"Asian Women Reveal to Keeping a Man Happy"

Someone posted on Facebook to an article with the heading, "Asian Women Reveal to Keeping a Man Happy". I clicked on it, ready to laugh and roll my eyes at it, thinking it's probably some lame-ass misogynistic article reminiscent of Malaysia's "Obedient Wives Club".

Well, it probably does sound quite subservient on first read. But then I had a good think about it, and realise in some way, I agree with each general statements/headings, albeit with some change to the details or interpretation. Those of you who know me personally will never think 'subservient' or 'demure' as words to describe me (I think 'raging', 'manic', 'loud', 'raucous' would come to mind before 'subservient' or 'demure') but here's the caveat - I think both parties within a marriage should adhere to these statements for a successful marriage.

So here we go!

1. Your man is king: "Remember that your man/husband comes first – before you, your parents, your outside interests or even your children."
   It's not saying that you must let your children go hungry if your husband demands sex then and there. Many marriages breakdown when the children leave the nest, because couples have spent the last few decades focusing on the needs of the children or community that they had forgotten who they had married and why. A more apt statement would be "Prioritise your marriage".
2. Rise early: "Get up in the morning before your man does. Make sure you prepare a healthy breakfast so he gets a good start on the day. Even if you have to leave before him, make sure he has a nice breakfast waiting for him when he comes into the kitchen in the morning".
   Again, this works both ways. Whoever gets up and gets to the kitchen first, make breakfast-lah. It just so happens that it often ends up being me.
3. Never nag: "Never, ever. If he wants to stop off after work and have a few drinks with his buddies, that’s his business.  If he forgot to take out the garbage – do it yourself."
   Haha! This I must admit is not my forte - I maintain my stance that the ONLY reason women nag is because men do not respond when you tell them nicely once! I only agree that there are some things not worth nagging on - pick your battles wisely!
4. Be at home: "Make sure you’re always at home when he gets in from a hard day at the office. Even if you are working, make sure you get home to your man/husband as soon as possible."Again, is this not a two-way thing? It's certainly important to spend time together, and especially nice when the other party has had a shitty day at work. Maybe not necessarily be at home, but just be there.
5. Smile: "Always greet your man with a smile on your face and, if you can, a cold drink in your hand."
   Hahah I find this amusing - "if you can, a cold drink in your hand". This is quite an "abuthennnn" statement - of course a smile if better than a sulk right! And of course, it works both ways. Especially after a long (potentially crummy) day at work, no one wants to come home and see a sulking, moody husband/wife - might evoke a "oh hell - what did I come home to?" feeling of dread)
6. Dinner Ready: "If you are home, or get home first, always have a delicious dinner ready to be served. And if he comes home feeling tense, give him a massage to ease his aches and pains"
   Totally agree with this statement, except that it differs from couple to couple. In my family, I am the cook, so I make it a point to get dinner ready. I personally do enjoy the satisfaction that the Husband enjoys and shows gratitude for his meal. In other families, the husbands do it, which isn't an issue. And I have no issues asking the Husband for a massage when I come home feeling tense, and vice versa.
7. Let him hang with friends: "If your man wants to have his buddies over for a night of poker, or football, or video games, don’t  get mad. Encourage it and make sure you’ve got lots of sandwiches and cold beer on hand to serve them".
   I suppose I agree with this statement possibly because the Husband hardly does this, so when he does, it's perfectly fine. It's a problem if this is happening a few nights each week though. But it's certainly good for guys to hang out - keeps them manly HAHA
8. Ask First: "Always ask him first before you go spending his hard-earned money, or even your hard-earned money, to buy something for yourself".
   This works both ways. It's not about asking for permission, but having a discussion. We have a general rule that if either one wants to spend above a certain amount, we need to discuss it first.
9. Remote Control: "Let him choose the programs you watch on television.   The television is man’s domain… he should be in charge.  And only Netflix/rent HIS  favorite movies or TV shows".
   I lied - I don't agree with all the statements - I disagree with this one!
10. Obey: "Don’t do things your husband doesn’t approve of.  And don’t complain about it. If he doesn’t want you wasting your time watching soap operas or having coffee with a neighbor, obey him.  You’ll both be happier for it".
    Again, this works both ways, dear husbands and wives!
11. Wild in bed: " Be a temptress in bed.  I he likes you in sexy lingerie, wear it.  Be shy and demure when you’re out in public, but once the lights are out, let him know he’s the only man in the world who can please you"
    I don't know about the, "be shy and demure when you're out in public" part - it's hilarious! But who on earth would have advised the opposite of 'wild in bed' - e.g. "lie there like a dead fish"
12. Know sports: "Bone up on sports so you’ll have something to talk about. But always let him start the conversation".
    Perhaps this is could be more aptly named, "show (or if necessary, feign) interest in his/her interests.
13. Keep fit: "Keep yourself in shape and always dress nicely so you’ll be a wife any husband would be proud to have".
    Again, applicable for both parties - ideally, I'd rather have a hottie instead of a flabbie; a stud instead of a dud; a hunk instead of chunk.
14. Cleaning: "Keep your home spic and span at all times.  It should look like you’re expecting company.  And the laundry should always be done.  Your man  should never have to look for clean socks or underwear and his shirts should all be ironed – by you".Uhm.... I can't even get my own clothes ironed, and I wouldn't even suspect a thing if our house got ransacked. Looks like this is another one I can't seem to agree with. Oops.

Bersih 2.0

Reflecting on the recent worldwide coverage (NYTimes, Al-Jazeera, ABCnews, CNN) on the Bersih rally, I must say I had and still do, to some extent, mixed feelings.

About the rally, about government, about the country itself.

At first I had doubts about the motive of Bersih - I had the impression that it was essentially a rally organised by the Opposition coalition. But as the page De-mystifying Bersih notes, invitation was extended to all political parties, including the ruling party, however was declined.

Should the Opposition coalition ever win the Malaysian elections, would it bite us back in the butt? I don't suppose I know enough of each political party's policies and ethos to understand how PAS, DAP and PKR can work together to run a country - it's easy to work together when there's a common enemy, but what happens when the enemy has been defeated? African nations have suffered decades of horrific civil wars after the 'foreigners' were defeated.

Could we imagine a Malaysia that is actually harmonious with a focus on equality regardless of race or religion? A Malaysia that is bersih?

With all that is happening, a part of me feels incredibly blessed to have been given the opportunity to live in Australia, where the police are present to ensure safety and protection of the masses. But a part of me feels that I'm missing out on being a small part that could change history of the country I would always call my own.

Sometimes I feel what we can do isn't good enough - changing your facebook profile pic to include the Bersih badge, putting up a few #bersih tweets, forwarding some emails - but sometimes something is better than nothing.

I am only one;
but I AM one,
I cannot do everything,
but I CAN do something,
And that I can do, I ought to do,
And what I ought to do,
by the grace of God,
I shall do
- Edward Everett Hale

And so we all wish...

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all the beautiful mothers I know! You are doing a great job - just keep pressing on! A woman of valor who can find, for her price is beyond pearls.

Her husband relies on her, and he will lack no gain.

She requites him with good and not with evil all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax, and she works it with the will of her hands.

She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar.

She rises when it is still night; she gives food to her household and an allotted share to her maidens.

She contemplates a field and purchases it; from the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

She girds her loins with vigor and strengthens her arms.

[When] she advises that her merchandise is good her lamp does not go out at night.

She stretches forth her hands onto the distaff, and her hands support the spindle.

She spreads out her hand to the poor man, and she stretches her hands out to the needy.

She fears not for her household for snow, for all her household are dressed in crimson.

She makes beautiful bedspreads for herself; fine linen and purple wool are her raiment.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits with the elders of the land.

She makes a cloak and sells it, and she gives a belt to the trafficker.

Strength and beauty are her raiment, and she laughs at the last day.

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and instruction of kindness is on her tongue.

She supervises the ways of her household and does not eat bread of idleness.

Her children rise and call her fortunate; [also] her husband, and praises her.

"Many women have acquired wealth, but you surpass them all."

Charm is false and beauty is futile; a God-fearing woman is to be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands, and her deeds will praise her in the gates. [Prov 31:10-31]